Life - Stuck up or Straying ?

Dealing with Feelings of Stagnation and Wandering

Most of us occasionally find ourselves feeling bored or experiencing a significant decline in enthusiasm for life. If this feeling persists, it’s important to take it seriously and assess whether you’re stuck or simply straying off course. Life presents us with many questions—some have straightforward answers, while others do not—and it’s often these unanswered questions that leave us feeling this way.

Life is full of ups and downs, but those who possess clarity and the ability to overcome indecisiveness can better manage their state of mind and navigate life’s uncertainties.

Symptoms of Feeling Stuck or Straying:

1. Aimless Wandering: Some people frequently go out without any specific purpose. This might also include taking unnecessary leaves from work without any real reason.

2. Irritability: Their behavior becomes more irritable, especially towards family members and close friends.

3. Procrastination: Even when there’s work to be done, they delay it. This procrastination is a common symptom, reducing their overall effectiveness.

4. Excessive Use of Social Media: They become addicted to social media, spending hours updating their status and chatting with people who aren’t significant in their lives.

5. Increased Consumption of Alcohol and Drugs: To escape their feelings of being stuck or lost, some may start drinking more or even resort to drugs.

6. Seeking Happiness in Strangers: Interestingly, such individuals may look for happiness in strangers rather than in their trusted friends or relatives.

7. Irregular Eating Habits: Their eating patterns become irregular, leading to a decline in their overall health.

8. Lack of Interest in Work: Even if their job is secure, they lose interest and start applying for other positions.

9. Sudden Aggression or Depression: Their reactions become unpredictable, with sudden outbursts of anger or bouts of depression.

10. Seeking Unnecessary Approval: They may lose confidence in themselves and start seeking approval from others for every little decision.

11. Blaming Themselves and Others Without Cause: They may start blaming themselves or others for no apparent reason, and this habit can become ingrained over time.

How to Overcome These Situations

If you notice these symptoms in a friend or relative, it’s important to take steps to help them. While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, here are some strategies that might help:

1. Be Practical: Practicality is key. Whether it’s work, goals, or other aspects of life, everything should be achievable and realistic. Often, things don’t work out because they aren’t practical, which leads to feelings of being stuck.

2. Avoid Negative People: If someone is already struggling with indecisiveness, being around negative people will only make things worse. It’s better to avoid such influences.

3. Consult a Trusted Mentor: If you have a mentor you trust, seek their advice. Share your feelings and symptoms with them.

4. Engage in Creative Activities: When all other avenues seem closed, turn inward. Creative activities like gardening, painting, writing, or reading poetry can be very therapeutic.

5. Refresh Your Goals: If your current goals seem out of reach, reassess and create a new list of goals that you truly want to pursue.

6. Evaluate Your Direction: If you’re feeling stuck, make sure your efforts are aligned with the right direction. Reassess your path and start anew if necessary.

7. Start Small: Begin with small, manageable steps. Expecting major results immediately is unrealistic.

8. Know Your Limits: Understand the resources available to you and set your limits accordingly. Knowing your boundaries can prevent feelings of being stuck.

9. Read Inspirational Books or Watch Motivational Movies: Inspirational content can be incredibly uplifting. Seek out books or movies that provoke thought and offer motivation.

10. Change Your Environment: Spending time in a serene, natural environment with close friends or family can rejuvenate your spirit and bring new energy to your routine.

11. Keep Your Hopes Alive: Above all, maintain hope. Remember, nothing is permanent—neither the good nor the bad. Challenges are opportunities for growth, and something new and better may be on the horizon.

It’s important to understand that feeling stuck and feeling like you’re straying are different experiences, though they can happen simultaneously. The key is to recognize your current situation and take steps to overcome it. By following the suggestions above, you can gain clarity and regain control of your life. If the issue involves another person, consider the situation from their perspective as well. What seems right for you may not be the same for them. Stay positive, and work towards making your life more balanced, lively, and vibrant. 

Ashok Madrecha

How To Stay Happy

When somebody asked me "How to stay happy" I took risk to reply such question which is generally asked to some Saint or spiritual leader, I explained it as under:

Whole human life is chasing something , getting something, having something or maintaining something. The person was not satisfied and he insisted to explain it further and I had to elaborate my reply and the question and concept implied in it both were manifest.

In this world we are mostly busy in four type of activities:

1. To make or get money and wealth,
2. To have name, fame and be influential.
3. To love and get loved
4. To keep up all the above three in favor on sustained basis.

We can notice well that almost everybody is busy with the above four kind of activities. Level of busyness might be the different person to person depending upon his or her priorities. Now coming on the question "How to be Happy", the point here is that if we are in these four activities only than our happiness would be limited to our needs. In other words, if my need of wealth is acute than it would give happiness to the extent the money and wealth I can consume, the moment the need gets satisfied, happiness will start finding new definition in another activities and it will shift its focus to other activities and this shifting becomes a habit. In this process the real happiness is never finding its value and due importance too. So what to do ? simple answer is that if we can spare part of our time for any such activity which does not fall in these four activities than happiness starts coming in.

To make it simple, such as if someone draws a picture , sing a song, plays piano, walks in a garden, looks at beautiful stars in night, observes sunrise, listen music, meditates, prays, forgives, studies positive thoughts, involves in good sports, supporting others and so on. All these should not have any motive which if eventually leads to the four activities than happiness would be artificial and not the real. In simple words if we start involving in any such activities which is not categorized as part of the four mentioned above than most probably there would be happiness and balance in life too. Those who practices it well, would know it better.      

Connect or Reconnect Well

Life demands connecting and reconnecting with variety of people. It is very important to understand how we connect or reconnect with people. It is well-known fact that if we respect someone, it makes him happy and if we hurt his ego it would invite his anger. If we salute or shake hand with smiling face it makes a lot of difference. If an employee while attending his or her duty says good morning to boss, it makes difference. If two friends are meeting after a long time then they would notice each other how they are reconnecting. Successful people always balance their life by maintaining their behavior in right direction. I noticed many cases where promotion of particular employees was kept on hold explaining no reasons and the only reason was that the employee did not know the basic knowledge of how to connect well. Not only in job, it affects our personal life too. Take an example, a person arranged a party and invited many friends. One of his good friend could not come due to sickness of his spouse. The friend called and expressed his inability to come. While attending call, the person simply said OK and not even bothered to ask about health of his friend's spouse. Here we miss out badly and forget how to connect properly. If some sweet words can heal someone than why not to say and win heart too. Is it necessary to have some academic educational for all these gestures.

Sometime thinking of who will start first makes thing complex. Life is like a river and there are only two sides. We all too have to move and flow between these two sides only. My point here is that these two sides are always facing each other and they have to stay internally well-connected for the flow of the water. The same is true when we interact with someone and our inner self remains well-connected to communicate better and have a nice relationship too. The connecting or reconnecting naturally makes a lasting effect. There are different way to connect by meeting personally, talking on phone, gifting something, helping someone by extending a favor and so on. Let us connect better to have balance in our life. 

Exploring Options

Process of achieving any goal essentially travel through various options. We as human being knowingly or unknowingly creating or finding options and sometime it becomes a habit which affects our decisions leading to severe delays totally uncalled for.

 

Exploring options is a good process but it should have some limit and at certain stage one should strive to come out of options and settle somewhere within his or her limits. This applies to any field, be it carrier, study, education, a particular situation or relationship matters. While exploring options several facts come up on surface and that gives clarity about practical side of all the options available to any one. One has to see carefully all the facts about an option and that too from different point of view and then reach to a logical and practical conclusion without being affected by emotions attached to it. If there is confusion one can list out all the positive and negative side of an option and then filter out the points which are most suitable and applied to her or him to reach a conclusion.

The principle of calculating highest loss in any decision is applicable while an option is shortlisted for action. One must question himself both side, What if I go ahead and what if don't. Make honest comparison and the picture would be clear. Sometime the third option is available and that is "Don't go for any option" but generally such situations are rare. One should stay rational and take enough care that it does not make him or her regressive.

 When an option is opted, focus emerges, freedom to work is decided, direction gets defined and results too follow early. Crux of the matter is that  one has to go through the process of options but coming out of it is essential to move forward and striking right balance in life.        

समाज की सच्चाई

जाने अनजाने हम क्यूँ अमरता का आभास करते है
खूब करते दिखावा और कितनों का परिहास करते है।
हर बात में अपने अहम् का पालन अब सहज हो चला
कुछ करने की जल्दी में रिश्तों की चिंता क्यूँ हो भला।
अर्थ के बुखार में समय सीमित लगने लगा है
क्या बुढ़ापा क्या जवानी, बचपन भी रोने लगा है।
हर मनुज दोहरी जिंदगी जीने को मजबूर हुआ
भाग रहा इधर उधर स्वयं से कितना दूर हुआ।
अपनों के बीच बैठ बतियाना अब कहा दिखता है
हर चीज के होते मोलभाव , रोज जमीर बिकता है।
बटोरतें सुर्खियां अख़बारों में विज्ञापनों का दौर चल रहा है
सिर्फ पदों का बंटवारा , देखो कैसे समाज बदल रहा है।
हुए कब्जे पानी और जमीनों पे हवाएं अब मुश्किलो में है
धर्म राजनीति का शिकार है न मालूम और क्या दिलो में हे।
ओरो की छोड़ो परिवारों में राजनीति हावी होने लगी
उलझनों के दावपेच में करुणा मैत्री तो खोने लगी।
जरूरतों के पहाड़ के नीचे दबा इंसान कितना अकेला है
साफ है मकान उसका पर अंदर से कितना मैला है।
अहसास तो होता है पर स्वीकार नहीं करते
नियति कहके उसको सब तिल तिल मरते।
हर ख़ुशी कल पर टाल कर वर्तमान की बलि चढ़ा दी
जो मिला उसमे सबर नहीं, नहीं मिला वहाँ नजर घड़ा दी।
सरलता छोड़कर उलझनों को अपनाया
खुद के बजाय ओरों को सुधारने में वक़्त गवांया।
नेता की पदवी मिली समाज में तो मन बहुत इठलाया
हर वक़्त जुगाड़ में रहे कि कौन क्या लाया।
शिकायत है इनको आजकल नींद नहीं आती
मन अशांत है खुशियां करीब नहीं आती।
एक भी ऐसी रात नहीं ये कोई अचरज की बात नहीं
वो भीड़ में अलग दीखते होंगे पर कोई उनके साथ नहीं।
मै सच कहता हूँ इस महफ़िल में
बुरा मत लगाना कोई भी दिल में।
यहाँ जीवन तमाशा बन गया और सब चुपचाप है
अब ऐसा मत कहना कि यहाँ बोलना भी पाप है।
वक़्त रहते हम्ही को बदलाव लाने होंगे
टूटते परिवार और रिश्तों को बचाने होंगे।
गौरवशाली है संस्कार हमारे भावी पीढ़ी को ये समझने दो
अवसर दो अशोक अब उनको आगे बढ़ने दो।

What Governs Your Life ?

Life is available in limited time slots and we spend it with our own chosen path. It is very important for us to know what really governs our life. We grow with different priorities at different time but sometime we stay stuck up with a type of static mentality or set of mind and it starts governing our life either positively or negatively. There are permutations or combinations of what really governs us. Prominently these are the points which governs or controls us knowingly or unknowingly :

1. A person or group of people : As a member of society we all stay in touch with variety of people. These people are from our relatives, mentors, friends and so on. Everybody from these affects us and we exchange multiple inputs from each other in our behavior. More we depend upon other people more we allow them to govern our life and choice is ours only.

    

2. Mission : Many of us have some mission for life. Accomplishing a mission demands deep devotion and it governs all our activities for that period. A mission completed in time or remained uncompleted for long affects tremendously. 

3. Location and Atmosphere : We stay, live at a particular place and the atmosphere around us makes a lot of difference. When we are exposed to very polluted atmosphere and simultaneously deprived of basic amenities, we become totally different from people who are grown up in a pollution free zone and had all comforts of life.

4. Thoughts and perceptions : The main cause which affects our life most is the thoughts and perceptions we develop. Our thoughts, perceptions , fears, positiveness, and negativeness makes us a different person. Over a time we draw lines of different colors in our life and live it with consciously or unconsciously. 

5. Comfort zone : In our life , we all have our own comfort zones in different fields. If any force comes to disturb it, we resist it. We dislike changes and even if there are  forceful changes, we would like them to happen within our comfort zones only and this way it governs our life.

6  Uncertainty : There is uncertainty all around and it affects us depending upon level of our resistance. Those who can not understand it are vulnerable to indecisiveness and their life is more governed by uncertainty.

7. Object, things : many of us like and dislike things or objects of different kind. one may like a particular car or other one may like to have a beautiful house at riverside and so on. If our views are object centric than we would be more governed by availability or unavailability of such things or objects.

8. Position, Power, Wealth : Position, power and wealth in life too governs many of us. We notice many time that if money is available, than power will be most sought  and if the powerful position is available than wealth becomes most sought after. 

9. Health : Health governs almost everyone in one way or another. If it is good, life is better and if the health is not good than everything in life seems not well. Even health of a family member or close friend too affects us very prominently 

Mute point is to know not only what affects us, it is also important that if something affects or governs us, do we know at what level it is rational. If it has become part and parcel of our routine, then we must reassess and find out , is it really that much important which governs us or we must come out of that and change for better.  

The above analysis is not solving problems we face in general, but it is just trying to have more clarity about the life. It may offer some clue about the right direction which is missing sometime for long. A well thought life finds its purpose and becomes more meaningful if we review from time to time that what really governs us. 

Relevance of Time and Success

In simple words I would like to say when something is not succeeding just see whether the time element studied is well while charting out a course for action. Time is vital to every spheres of life. practically what happens many time that we plan success as object and act so without giving much importance to time. Lets have an example, a person aged around 61 years who is very skilled in a particular profession and one fine day a friend trusted to him came with a proposal to set up a new venture in an area which is totally new to him but sounded high profitability. How should he react to this proposal. There could be varied answers for this as per his priority. He studied the proposal and decided to enter into it. They started well and the venture turned out to a success story in terms of profit and turnover too but the Old man was not happy and the reason was that he became so busy and his personal freedom was compromised. At the age of 61 he dreamed of a very peaceful life full of privacy and enjoy but it happened just opposite because of the reason that while entering into the venture he ignored the time element. He should have thought that was it the right time he should have started the venture for him which will need that much personal attention and energy. He simply chased the success and the time started punishing him though the so-called success was with him. 

Every decision if tested on the ground and within boundaries of time which controls all then it would be far easy to filter out our priorities and the compulsions too in a particular period. Yes there may be situations where time may not allow us to do something but at the same time if we change direction than time too changes and it extends favor to move ahead. if something is coming our ways we should ask ourselves :

Is this relevant to me now ?

Is it what I dream upon ?  

Is this time is suitable to act upon ?

Is it the only option left now ?

how aggressively I should act to make something ?

What is the time left upon to go for something ?

If I opt to go for it, is it worth for me at this time ?

These questions may help us to realize rationality of any decision in our life and thus we gradually start living our life with balanced relevance of time in our mind.   
      

Simplicity forgotten

Just think and find honest answers of these questions :

How many friends we have with whom we can really share our feelings ?
With the advancing age numbers of our friends are increasing or decreasing?
Do people feel that we are out of reach for them to meet or say something?
Do we too feel lonely all the time?

 If the answers are affirmative of these questions than we must be sure about the fact that we have lost our simplicity and due to this suffering to a lot.

A child remains happy because he is unaware of complexity of life but a man or woman remains happy "sometimes". Why sometime, why not most of the time? Things are made complicated by ourselves only. We walk but think of dress code, or even the type of shoes we should wear. We wish to move around but think often what type of company we should have. We wish to sing a song but afraid of what people will comment and so on. In reality nobody is much concerned about anyone but our fear makes everything much complicated and we get compelled to live lonely.

Be simple, smiling and the real one and it helps lot in maintaining good relationship too. If anyone close to us feels that we are unapproachable than it is not good sign for a nice relationship.

We have seen many times people plan a lot for a picnic but as soon as they reach to the spot their mind starts focusing only on how and when to move back and they simply forget to feel the place howsoever nice it is. In the garden they can't enjoy the blooming roses, even can't see the sky which is colorful at morning and full of stars in the night. They simply ignore to see the beauty of dew dropped on a flower. They simply forget to take a single deep breath in the fresh air and so on.

Simplicity does not mean we should not have ambition. Individual destiny may be different but living a simple life can be gift to ourselves and a big fun for those who really makes it. Simplicity expands our inner space so we can feel more, observe more. We may compare this with a computer wherein if multiple programs run it becomes slow or sometime hangs too. So be simple and enjoy the life.

-- CA Ashok Madrecha