What Governs Your Life ?


Life is available in limited time slots and we spend it with our own chosen path. It is very important for us to know what really governs our life. We grow with different priorities at different time but sometime we stay stuck up with a type of static mentality or set of mind and it starts governing our life either positively or negatively. There are permutations or combinations of what really governs us. Prominently these are the points which governs or controls us knowingly or unknowingly :

1. A person or group of people : As a member of society we all stay in touch with variety of people. These people are from our relatives, mentors, friends and so on. Everybody from these affects us and we exchange multiple inputs from each other in our behavior. More we depend upon other people more we allow them to govern our life and choice is ours only.
    
2. Mission : Many of us have some mission for life. Accomplishing a mission demands deep devotion and it governs all our activities for that period. A mission completed in time or remained uncompleted for long affects tremendously. 

3. Location and Atmosphere : We stay, live at a particular place and the atmosphere around us makes a lot of difference. When we are exposed to very polluted atmosphere and simultaneously deprived of basic amenities, we become totally different from people who are grown up in a pollution free zone and had all comforts of life.

4. Thoughts and perceptions : The main cause which affects our life most is the thoughts and perceptions we develop. Our thoughts, perceptions , fears, positiveness, and negativeness makes us a different person. Over a time we draw lines of different colors in our life and live it with consciously or unconsciously. 
5. Comfort zone : In our life , we all have our own comfort zones in different fields. If any force comes to disturb it, we resist it. We dislike changes and even if there are  forceful changes, we would like them to happen within our comfort zones only and this way it governs our life.

6  Uncertainty : There is uncertainty all around and it affects us depending upon level of our resistance. Those who can not understand it are vulnerable to indecisiveness and their life is more governed by uncertainty.

7. Object, things : many of us like and dislike things or objects of different kind. one may like a particular car or other one may like to have a beautiful house at riverside and so on. If our views are object centric than we would be more governed by availability or unavailability of such things or objects.

8. Position, Power, Wealth : Position, power and wealth in life too governs many of us. We notice many time that if money is available, than power will be most sought  and if the powerful position is available than wealth becomes most sought after. 

9. Health : Health governs almost everyone in one way or another. If it is good, life is better and if the health is not good than everything in life seems not well. Even health of a family member or close friend too affects us very prominently 

Mute point is to know not only what affects us, it is also important that if something affects or governs us, do we know at what level it is rational. If it has become part and parcel of our routine, then we must reassess and find out , is it really that much important which governs us or we must come out of that and change for better.  

The above analysis is not solving problems we face in general, but it is just trying to have more clarity about the life. It may offer some clue about the right direction which is missing sometime for long. A well thought life finds its purpose and becomes more meaningful if we review from time to time that what really governs us. 
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Relevance of Time and Success


In simple words I would like to say when something is not succeeding just see whether the time element studied is well while charting out a course for action. Time is vital to every spheres of life. practically what happens many time that we plan success as object and act so without giving much importance to time. Lets have an example, a person aged around 61 years who is very skilled in a particular profession and one fine day a friend trusted to him came with a proposal to set up a new venture in an area which is totally new to him but sounded high profitability. How should he react to this proposal. There could be varied answers for this as per his priority. He studied the proposal and decided to enter into it. They started well and the venture turned out to a success story in terms of profit and turnover too but the Old man was not happy and the reason was that he became so busy and his personal freedom was compromised. At the age of 61 he dreamed of a very peaceful life full of privacy and enjoy but it happened just opposite because of the reason that while entering into the venture he ignored the time element. He should have thought that was it the right time he should have started the venture for him which will need that much personal attention and energy. He simply chased the success and the time started punishing him though the so-called success was with him. 

Every decision if tested on the ground and within boundaries of time which controls all then it would be far easy to filter out our priorities and the compulsions too in a particular period. Yes there may be situations where time may not allow us to do something but at the same time if we change direction than time too changes and it extends favor to move ahead. if something is coming our ways we should ask ourselves :

Is this relevant to me now ?
Is it what I dream upon ?  
Is this time is suitable to act upon ?
Is it the only option left now ?
how aggressively I should act to make something ?
What is the time left upon to go for something ?
If I opt to go for it, is it worth for me at this time ?

These questions may help us to realize rationality of any decision in our life and thus we gradually start living our life with balanced relevance of time in our mind.   
      
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Simplicity forgotten


Just think and find honest answers of these questions :

How many friends we have with whom we can really share our feelings ?
With the advancing age numbers of our friends are increasing or decreasing?
Do people feel that we are out of reach for them to meet or say something?
Do we too feel lonely all the time?

 If the answers are affirmative of these questions than we must be sure about the fact that we have lost our simplicity and due to this suffering to a lot.

A child remains happy because he is unaware of complexity of life but a man or woman remains happy "sometimes". Why sometime, why not most of the time? Things are made complicated by ourselves only. We walk but think of dress code, or even the type of shoes we should wear. We wish to move around but think often what type of company we should have. We wish to sing a song but afraid of what people will comment and so on. In reality nobody is much concerned about anyone but our fear makes everything much complicated and we get compelled to live lonely.

Be simple, smiling and the real one and it helps lot in maintaining good relationship too. If anyone close to us feels that we are unapproachable than it is not good sign for a nice relationship.

We have seen many times people plan a lot for a picnic but as soon as they reach to the spot their mind starts focusing only on how and when to move back and they simply forget to feel the place howsoever nice it is. In the garden they can't enjoy the blooming roses, even can't see the sky which is colorful at morning and full of stars in the night. They simply ignore to see the beauty of dew dropped on a flower. They simply forget to take a single deep breath in the fresh air and so on.

Simplicity does not mean we should not have ambition. Individual destiny may be different but living a simple life can be gift to ourselves and a big fun for those who really makes it. Simplicity expands our inner space so we can feel more, observe more. We may compare this with a computer wherein if multiple programs run it becomes slow or sometime hangs too. So be simple and enjoy the life.
-- CA Ashok Madrecha
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पिता का पुत्र को संदेश




मुखर कर उन्मेष को उत्कर्ष की तरफ
प्रयत्न कर उखाड़ दे हर मायूसी की बर्फ।

ये तूफान ही रास्ता बनाएँगे बस जान लेना
वक़्त रहते रास्तों का मिजाज पहचान लेना।

दूर है मधुमास अभी बहुत बीहड़ में चलना बाकी
उलफत में मत रहना ये शुरुआत की है झांकी।

दो दो हाथ मुश्किलों से होना बहुत आम होगा
इंसानों की दुनियाँ में ये वाकया सुबह शाम होगा।

लक्ष्य पे नजर रखना दिन में भी कदम बहकते है
जरा सम्भलना हर गली मोहल्लों में इंसान रहते है।

आकाश नापना है तो इरादों में जोश होना चाहिए
दूर कितनी है मंजिल इसका भी होश होना चाहिए।

तान लो सुनहरे वितान वक़्त तुम्हे इंद्रधनुषी रंग दे
नया सवेरा हर सुबह तुम्हे चिर आशा की उमंग दे।

----  अशोक मादरेचा
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Art of refusal



In general while maintaining our decency level of behavior we develop a tendency to accept everything which even we do not like to do and forget the concept of refusing. If refusing is not kept in mind we will land up at total mess at work or even in our social relations too. lets have a look at one example:

A professional lawyer having enough level of practice never said no to any assignment coming to him. The resulting scenario of his office is:
1. The boss is always busy
2. The employees too seem to be busy but reporting and execution level quite a week
3. Professional fee billing is increasing but net bottom-line almost stagnant
4. Office environment quite stressful
5. Always staff and boss both working beyond office hours  
5. Total system almost in a mess and so on.

Social side of the same Lawyer above:

Being in profession for a long time he has developed social and personal relations with the clients well but due to his ignorance about the art of refusal the scenario of his personal life is:
1. Can not spare enough time for family.
2. Shrewd people make use of him.
3. There seems to be no planning in life as such.
4. Financial independence is good but level of satisfaction is very low.
5. Developing health hazards.
6. Total absence of fun, joy, peace and so on.    

We can visualize what can be the impact of ignoring the concept of refusal by the example. Now lets think on "How to Say No and Refuse"

First we have to develop firmness about ourselves, decide what we require and what not. What are our resources and at what cost of time, energy and monetary level we can afford to do a particular task in a given time frame. if not, We must refuse it and avoid such mess which makes our life hell. Time is precious and it is allotted to all in terms of age and that too in the limited slot then why we should neglect it. Now lets have a look at different ways to say "No"

1. Say directly No where we have no personal bindings or relationship.
2. Develop our system (office norms, policy of working etc.) to handle the refusal.
3. We can put the burden of refusal on lack of resources. I mean we can simply say no due to non availability of some resource hence we won't be able to accomplish a task or assignment.
4. Sometime task itself does not require perfection, then do only what is required. this too is a kind of  limited refusal.
5. Delegation of task at different levels, in other words creating layers makes us easy to say No. 

The lawyer knew all this well and decided to change himself. He listed all the areas where he was just taking the assignments which were not remunerated enough and could be avoided. He seriously applied the concept of refusal and what happened just see here:

1. His stress level came down considerably.
2. At the beginning his professional fee billing came down by 20% but after a few months it increased with the addition of more new good clients and his profitability (bottom line) also improved in a positive direction.
3. He was far more confident person than earlier
4. Clarity about life emerged and he started enjoying quality time with family and friends.
5. His health too improved.
6. Ultimately he is more rich and knew well that what is really meaningful to him.
     
I hope knowing the art of refusal can help anyone to have the right balance in life. This article is based on my practical experience of more than 25 years and many interactive seminars I have addressed so far. If you like it , please share it for a nice cause of helping others.
Ashok Madrecha
  
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